Mom, Music, and insoMnia

Sorry, I couldn't come up with a legitimate third word to continue the alliteration.

My Mom arrived a few days ago to visit for a couple of weeks.  The visit had actually been planned since before I got diagnosed, but she decided to come early after it turned out I had cancer.  My Dad will also be coming, mid next week.  It's good to have her here.  And she's getting an opportunity to see how much Dylan has grown since Thanksgiving.  Skype is nice, but it's not quite the same as being there.

This past week was the last session of a music program that Dylan has been participating in, Music Together.  It's a nationwide franchise of music classes for infants, toddlers, and preschoolers.  I have to admit that I was a bit skeptical of it at first.  Maybe part of it is that I'm reluctant in the long term for Dylan's life to be too overly scheduled with organized activities -- I want him to have plenty of open, creative free time to play and do whatever he wants to and just be a kid.  And maybe part of it is that although music is a part of my life, it's not exactly the kind of sitting around singing campfire type of songs that I pictured the music class might be.  But it turned out that I really enjoyed it.  It's very participatory, it's very active, it's got a decent amount of variety, and it was a lot of fun.  Each 10 week session has a set of songs, and you get an accompanying CD and songbook with lyrics and sheet music.  And the music is actually kind of interesting -- I genuinely like listening to the CD (and playing some of it on the piano).  And they cleverly set it up so that if you want to repeatedly sign up, it's not just the same old thing, since the next session will have an entirely new set of songs.  I think there are something like 9 different song books, so you could if you wanted to sign your kid up for a few years straight before repeating.  Anyway, if anyone out there has a young child, and some interest in music, I definitely recommend it.

Although Lorien was the one that found the program and convinced me that we should sign up, going to Music Together with Dylan had been my thing.  We picked a time slot early(ish) in the morning so I could go before work.  And I liked having a regular activity with Dylan and other kids -- as the primary caregiver, Lorien had a lot of other opportunities for that that I didn't.  But it was getting a little bit harder on me as the weeks progressed.  Some of it is pretty physical (dancing around, and sometimes having to pick up Dylan as needed depending on his mood), and my energy level was gradually decreasing.  Not to mention that I was downing antacids and cough drops like crazy and especially trying to be in a reasonably normal condition with as little coughing as possible for the classes.  Then I had to miss one week because I had a cold, and soon after that came a whole series of instances of Lorien going instead of me.  I think one week was the CT scan, then the next week was the biopsy, and then by the next week I was in the hospital getting chemo.  It was especially disappointing because it sounded like Dylan was getting more into it and getting more out of the class as time progressed.  In the time slot we were in, he was I think the second youngest kid in the class, and although sometimes he was into the music, often his attention seemed elsewhere.  I think the initial timing was especially poor because he had started to walk very shortly before the first music class, so in the beginning he was often more interested in running around the room than sitting down in a circle, if that's what we were trying to do.

But I really wanted to go with him to one more session before it was over.  So yesterday I did, and took my Mom along as well.  It was perhaps a poor judgement call and a little bit risky -- my immune system is compromised, and a large gathering of toddlers is a bit of a collection of germs just waiting to be spread.  Hopefully I won't get sick and regret it.  I did very much enjoy going and participating.  And as with our excursion to the food trucks the previous week, it injected a bit of normalcy back into my life.  I was fortunate to be feeling pretty good for the class (even if I overdid it a bit once tossing Dylan around and then had to rest somewhat), which was good timing because I was feeling pretty damn bad later in the day.  Nevertheless, I think we'll be skipping the next couple of sessions.  I do hope that we can do it again once I get better, and that Dylan will be able to get even more out of it once he's a little older.

I figured there was no way that I was going to have the energy for a 9:30 AM class (yeah, I know, plenty of you are at work way before that and probably think I sound pretty damn lazy considering that time to be "early") unless I got something resembling a decent night's sleep.  So, the night before (right after my previous blog post), I tried taking some Ambien, which had been my previous sleep remedy for occasional use.  In better days I could get by with only 5 mg, or sometimes even 2.5 mg.  I started with 5 mg, but after a while concluded it wasn't doing much, so upped it to 10 mg.  Thankfully, it did the trick, I got to sleep, and made it to class.  Hopefully as long as I reserve it only on an as needed basis, and not for regular use, it will continue to have some effect.

Which meant that I took nothing the next night.  And it was hours before I got to sleep.  I'm thinking that maybe it's time to get a clip on reading light so that I can easily read in bed into the wee hours without disturbing Lorien.

I'm also wondering if maybe my policy with respect to food might need some tweaking.  Back when I thought I had GERD, I tried very hard to arrange my schedule so that I didn't eat anything within 2 to 3 hours of going to sleep.  And I've been trying to keep that up.  But I've found myself repeatedly lying in bed, unable to sleep, thinking of food, and what I'm going to eat the next day.  Last night I finally gave in and got up out of bed and had a few pieces of bread and butter.  (OMG have I mentioned how amazing the rye bread from the Cheeseboard is?  Not at all like New York deli Jewish rye, which I think is what they're trying for, but delicious nevertheless.  But I digress...)  Lying down back in bed right after eating did indeed have a few negative effects, but they were actually fairly minimal.  Did it ultimately help me get to sleep?  Hard to say.  I think I ate around 1:30 AM and finally got to sleep sometime a little after 2:00 AM.  Not great, but better than being up until 3 or 4.  And I didn't get up again until Dylan awoke a little bit after 7.  Of course, 5 hours sleep is pretty damn inadequate, especially for a body under so much stress and trying to heal.  I think naps are going to have to be a regular part of my schedule for the forseeable future.  But the bottom line of all of this is that the next time I'm at all hungry at night, I'm *not* going to do nothing because it's too close to bedtime.  I'm going to eat something.

Come to think of it, I'm hungry right now.  Time for some dessert.  I think I'm in the mood for some form of chocolate.  You know, doctor's orders.  :)