Back home, round 2

It's been about a half week that I've been home.  While I continue to feel somewhat better, I still wouldn't say that I feel "better" for real.  In another day or two it will be 3 months since I've felt basically normal.  It's getting to be a bit of a drag.

Sometimes I'm feeling optimistic, that this is the beginning of a turnaround, getting better for real, and that I just need to be patient.  But then I remember that's that what I was hoping the last time I was released, and 2 weeks later I was back in the hospital.  Maybe I'll feel a tiny bit safer once I pass the 2 week mark.  I've been pondering starting a "X days since a hospitalization" sign, but that just seems like kind of a bad idea.  I'm no longer quite as worried about the prospect of Dylan growing up without a father (although it still is a possibility), but I am more worried about Dylan growing up with a father who's constantly battling various sicknesses, and doesn't have the energy to be very active or do very much that's physical with him.  That would really suck.

And while Lorien continues to assume a far greater parenting role than me in the short term, the physical and emotional challenges of caring for a 2 year old are also taking a bit of a toll on me.  Dylan is overall reasonably well behaved, but he's still a 2 year old, and he seems to have an endless amount of energy.  I guess it was a bit of a shock returning to that from the hospital, as I spent far too much of my first day home snapping at him.  I'm trying to do a better job of not taking out my troubles on him.

I'm sorry if this is all coming out sounding overly depressing.  It's not really that bad; I am doing okay.  Really.

I had a followup appointment with the pulmonologist yesterday.  As expected, nothing really came of it.  There's nothing conclusive to say from either the broncoscopy, or any of the resulting cultures.  In other words, from his point of view [the lungs], he can't find anything explicit wrong with me.  Nevertheless, he did reiterate something that I believe the radiation oncologist said a while back -- that even if I've reached the point where my observable white blood counts have come back, there can be more going on that's not easily quantifiable that's contributing to me having a weakened immune system.  But that if the counts have come back, it's likely that the rest will follow, and in his opinion, I am likely to eventually get better.

Tomorrow I have a followup appointment with my oncologist, and I should get the results of the bone marrow biopsy.  I'm not expecting it to show anything either.  I'll let you all know.