Done!

Today was my last day of treatment.  Hopefully ever.  I'm so happy to be done.  I'm not really sure how I'd react to a relapse.  I think it would be pretty emotionally devastating.  Here's hoping that that day never comes...

They gave me this cute diploma-like certificate upon being done, signed by the staff.  It reminds me of the certificates they've given us at UC Berkeley when we've taken Dylan to participate in studies at the Infant Cognition and Language Lab.  I'm not sure if we've posted the latest ones of those before.  He's up to postdoc now.

Daddy's certificate

Dylan's certificate

Before departing the cancer center this morning, I decided I should play at least something a little symbolic on the piano that's at the bottom of the atrium.  But I was also kind of eager to get out.  So I just played a single verse of the goodbye song from Music Together.  This is the series of music classes I take Dylan to.  Did I mention that the fall session started a couple of weeks back?  Anyway, each weekly class starts with the hello song, and ends with the goodbye song.

I met with both my radiation oncologist and my oncologist this past week.  Various blood counts are somewhat down, but that's to be expected from the radiation.  They ought to bounce back in a few weeks.  I learned that the tumor did some other damage that hadn't been noticed until recently (I think until they were plotting the radiation treatment).  The phrenic nerve on my left side has been somewhat damaged, meaning my left diaphragm doesn't move as much as it ought to.  It might just eventually take care of itself.  But even if it doesn't, it doesn't seem to be currently having any negative effects on my breathing.

Other acute side effects from the radiation have continued mostly as before.  Meaning they've pretty much plateaued, and aren't getting worse.  Which is good.  The main thing is that I'm lacking as much energy as I'd like.  I'm not so fatigued that I can't function, but very tiny bits of exertion, like walking home with groceries, or pushing Dylan's stroller up a small hill, leave me weary.  And my muscles in general (esp. my upper body) feel kind of sore, and very tight.  My throat is also somewhat sore (esp. in the morning), and I still need to be a little bit careful with what I eat, but it's not too bad.  And I'm not losing weight any more; on the contrary, I suddenly put some back and I'm now hovering around 145#, which is only 5 pounds away from what I was when this all started.  (I'd actually be somewhat happier to end up at 145 than 150 in the long run.)  The skin on my chest and back looks a bit discolored, and sometimes it feels a little irritated, but it's only the slightest bit perceptible -- much less than even a mild sunburn.  I'm told it could be a week or two before the various radiation side effects start to wear off.

Regarding side effects from the chemo, my hair continues to grow back.  Even from the front it's now kind of starting to look more like a very close crew cut, and less like total baldness.  I'm not really sure what color it's going to be.  Some of it is very fine and practically colorless, like the fuzzy hair that newborns have.  But some of it is darker.  We'll just have to see.  Other hair is coming back too.  I have eyebrows again!  And I'm having to shave regularly again.  I'm pretty sure I had been on the same razor since starting chemo.  Today seemed like a good idea to start a fresh razor.

I was at the Berkeley Hat Company the other day, getting a little repair work done on my straw fedora that's probably been my most worn hat this summer.  I was checking out their selection of hats, and pondering one or two more hats, that might be more suitable for the fall.  Lorien reminded me that in the not too distant future, I will have a normal head of hair again.  And maybe I don't need to be expanding my hat collection any further.  I'm not sure.  I might anyway, just to treat myself.  While I probably won't wear a hat just about every single day like I do now, I have grown somewhat fond of wearing hats, and I suspect that I'll continue that a bit even once my hair returns for real.

Unlike at the end of chemo, now it really does feel sort of like this is the first day of the rest of my life.  That now all I need to do is concentrate on recovering.  So that's my job for the near term.  I hope to very soon again try yoga.  And getting back on my bike.  I'm eager for things to return to normal.

Speaking of my job, it's my tentative plan to return to actual work on or around November 1.  I'll probably start working a full 5 days a week, but not quite full days.  Although I'd like to ramp up to full time reasonably quickly, as long as my body can handle it.

Also speaking of my job, it occurs to me that I have a bit of an anniversary coming up.  I started work at WaveMarket (now known as Location Labs) on September 30, 2002.  So this Sunday will mark 10 years.  Wow.  I never thought I'd be at this (or any) job that long.  Especially a job that I just kind of fell into, at a time when I wasn't even really actively seeking work, or when I hadn't even really decided when I wanted to start looking for work.

Back during chemo, we had started to get in the habit of getting a different set of fresh flowers on each chemo day.  But the habit kind of faltered.  To celebrate the end of treatment, Lorien surprised me today with this beautiful bouquet of a dozen lavender roses.  I didn't even know they existed in that color.  (Of course, they're probably going to look like a different color on everyone's screen...)

I just wanted to take this moment to thank everyone for all of the support that I've gotten over the past many months.  I can't imagine going through this ordeal alone.  Maybe I'm being a bit premature here, since it's not all over (will it truly ever be?), and I still have a ways to go before I feel normal, much less "cured".  But it really does feel like I'm closing a chapter now and starting a new one.