I'm sitting here now, getting chemo. I'm trying to think if I've blogged actually during chemo at all. Maybe once? I'm not sure. And I'm too lazy to look it up.
Although part of the laziness is really just being tired. Which might be partly from the chemo, but also just not getting enough good sleep is probably some of it. As before, I tried to give my body a bit of break from sleep meds before the next round. As before, it wasn't as large of a break as I had hoped. Only about half a week. The first night really sucked. It got better after that, but I still wake up far more often throughout the night than I would like. I don't know how long it's been since I've actually slept all the way through the night without some help. Not that sleep meds guarantee I sleep all the way through the night. I've kind of gotten used to getting up repeatedly during the night (am I reverting to infancy here?), and it's not that bad if I can get back to sleep without too much trouble. And sometimes I can. But not last night. Somehow I feel like not being able to get back to sleep is worse than not being able to get to sleep in the first place. Like somehow I've wasted the karma of initially getting to sleep easily. Am I starting to ramble? Maybe. I'm tired. See above. There's probably a reason I don't usually blog during chemo.
Round 8. As I've said before (sometimes I think I've been doing this through enough cycles that most things I've said before in some form), this is hopefully the last round. But I won't know until after another PET scan, sometime at the end of the cycle. I don't know exactly when; it hasn't been scheduled yet. I'm really really hoping this is the last round of chemo. But (again, as I've said before), I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the possibility that there could be more chemo. But it would suck.
And there will still probably be radiation even if I'm totally done with chemo. So even if all goes according to plan, this isn't the end of treatment. Not quite yet.
I'm kind of resigned to the probability that the next week or two is going to somewhat suck. That's one of the reasons I wanted to blog now. I suspect I won't feel like it for a little while after today. So don't worry if you don't hear from me for a little bit. And I should put this all in perspective -- the suckiness is a lot less than it could be. And is mostly at the beginning of the cycle. It would really suck if those feelings had continued for 6 months straight. I'm trying not to eavesdrop too much, but it's hard to avoid the conversation the guy next to me is having right now with the nurse, and he's in a lot worse shape than I am.
We continued our tradition of getting pastries at the cheeseboard before chemo. But this time Lorien drove me and dropped me off. One of the reasons I moved my chemo from Oakland to Berkeley was to be able to bike to chemo if I was up for it. Which I was in the past, but that ship has sailed. Last time, biking back from chemo was just a bit too much. It wasn't at all fun. And while I suppose part of me likes to show off and impress people with the idea of biking to and from chemo, ultimately there's nothing I need to prove, and getting a ride is fine.
In non-chemo news, we have taken advantage of the babysitting offer from Judy, Lorien's mother, who is here until Thursday. Sunday night we went to a movie at Kim's theatre. Moonrise Kingdom. It was good. Bonus, it was free (b/c of Kim). I think it's been a while since I've seen a movie knowing nothing about it. I recommend it -- it's an interesting way to have no preconceived notions about the movie. Okay, I guess I knew slightly more than nothing -- I did know it was a Wes Anderson movie. I'm trying to remember when I've seen a movie and really known absolutely nothing. Perhaps it was Best of Show. Which was a very interesting case, since I spent a little while in the beginning asking myself, "This isn't real, right?"
Monday night we had some cocktails at Cesar. This is where I got together recently with the visiting from out of town friends, but couldn't drink at the time. We got into a bit of conversation about armagnac with the guy next to us at the bar when he ordered some. I think next time we'll try the one he got.
Tuesday night we had a nice dinner out (it's been a while), at Rumbo al Sur. We had a $50 gift certificate to here that we won at the raffle at the plant sale at that Edible Schoolyard earlier in the summer. Latin American food, sort of like tapas, although most of the portions were larger than I would expect for that. And we had some more cocktails. My favorite was the Old Cuban (El dorado dark rum, muddled mint, fresh lime, angostura bitters, and sparkling wine), if anyone is local and ends up going and wants a suggestion. I suppose we could make that without too much trouble, except that I wouldn't want to open an entire bottle of champagne just for a couple of drinks. Perhaps we'll do it the next time someone brings a bottle to our house for some event. Or a 6 pack. Yes, Todd once brought a 6 pack of champagne to a party of ours. It was in a cardboard 6 pack holder, just like beer. But bigger.
In Dylan news, Dylan has moved up in the guitar world. He has a fair number of musical instruments, some of them explicitly toys, some not. My least favorite of all of them was his "guitar". It's kind of the crappiest toy guitar I could imagine. I mean it's nice in the sense that it's got actual wood, but it's more of a toy that is meant to look like a guitar than what I'd actually call a toy guitar. Like you can't tune the strings, and you can't really control what you play because there's no fret board, and it barely makes a noise when you pluck the strings. Actually, it's more meant to look like a banjo I suppose, but the term "guitar" has stuck. Anyway, despite the fact (or in spite of it?) that I don't really like it, Dylan loves it. When we started the summer session for Music Together, it clearly became his favorite instrument. Sometimes he takes it to bed, and if you listen carefully and are quiet you can hear him playing with it in his crib. Until he summarily dismisses it by tossing it on the floor. At that point, if there's not another token of affection in his bed, he starts whining for that. "Bop! Bop! Bop!" (His blanket.)
But I digress. When we were visiting Neal and Genevieve in SF when they were here, Dylan was totally in love with Teddy's ukulele. Isn't this picture adorable? I had been pondering getting him one as a replacement for his current guitar, and that visit sealed the deal. I ordered one, and it came yesterday. Dylan had been out and gotten in a very cranky mood on the way home. I had stayed home, and was sitting on the couch playing the ukulele when he came in. The look on his face was amazing -- eyes wide open, big grin, whining stopped. He definitely likes it. I'll try to post some pics and/or video in the not too distant future. But probably not until later in my chemo cycle.
Which brings me back to chemo. Still ongoing, but now I'm getting the final drug, Rituxan. But this goes on for a while -- about 2.5 hours, unless they're not happy with my vital signs (which they check every half hour), in which case it could be much longer. Either way, I think it's time for me to stop rambling and just rest a bit. Maybe put in some earbuds and listen to some chill music.
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