Things are getting harder

Wow, I see it's been an entire cycle since I've blogged for real.  I guess what happened was that at the end of the previous cycle I was feeling good and having fun and doing stuff and generally being too busy to blog.  But then at the beginning of the next cycle, I was feeling like crap, and didn't feel up to blogging.

I'll later try to fill in some of the fun stuff from the end of cycle 5, but the main item worth noting from my current perspective is that the beginnings of the cycles are getting harder.  Cycle 5 was notably worse in the beginning than cycle 4, and cycle 6 was harder still.  I suppose that some of the side effects are cumulative.  Which has me not particularly looking forward to the beginnings of cycles 7 and 8.  Some of it has been stomach cramps, but my biggest issue has been an overall lack of energy, sometimes bordering on total exhaustion.

Part of the tiredness may be directly related to chemo, but part of it is I think just overall sleep deprivation.  I had settled previously into a pattern where I was using some sleep meds at the beginning of the cycle, but keeping things under control and getting off of them by the end of the cycle.  For various reasons, that didn't happen in cycle 5.  So by the time cycle 6 rolled around and I got past the Prednisone span where they are really needed, I had been on some sleep meds for nearly a month straight.  Which I don't think is good for me -- I think my body needs some break from them.  Which I'm trying to get now, but a side effect is that I'm not sleeping well.

Lorien and Dylan are in Toronto visiting the grandparents (and going to Lorien's cousin Rebekkah's bat mitzvah), and I had grand plans for the week.  I had hoped to take advantage of the free time afforded by not having any child care responsibilities to both do all sorts of fun stuff with friends, as well as get done a whole bunch of tasks that I've been putting off.  But I ended up spending the vast majority of the week just sitting (or lying) about doing nothing.  That's not entirely true --  I did manage to see some friends and do some somewhat fun things over the past few days, but I was kind of tired and spacey for most of it.  And most of the tasks on my to do list are still not done, although I was able to tick a few of them off today in an unexpected burst of energy.  Which was later followed by exhaustion, which is somewhat what I'm feeling right now.  So I hope this isn't too rambling of a post.

The other complicating and annoying factor is that for the past week now I've had a rash on my legs.  It looks like it might be poison oak, but I really can't figure out how I would have gotten it.  I'm pondering trying to get an appointment with a dermatologist -- I'm not particularly satisfied with the speed (or lack thereof) with which it's resolving itself, and perhaps there's some prescription remedy that might be more helpful than the over the counter products I'm currently using.

So that's where things stand right now.  Sorry if this sounds kind of grumpy.  I'd probably sound less grumpy if I wasn't so tired, but I really wanted to get something written before going to bed.  I was worried that if I put it off yet another day, it wouldn't happen tomorrow either, and then Lorien and Dylan are back, and then things will be getting busy and hectic again, perhaps leading to more delay.

It's not all bad, though.  Just before writing this I had some yummy chocolate ice cream and strawberry sauce (both homemade), which was quite satisfying.  I'm hoping that my energy level rises by week 3 and I can make some more yummy treats.  Both stone fruits and berries are now amazing and plentiful at the market.  Pie and/or sorbet may be in the future.

And the tail end of last cycle was great.  More about that later when I have the time.  For now just ponder words like armagnac, blueberry pie, and Monterey.